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There was only one way out. I am sitting in a maga church in Central Texas and just downed a carmel apple cider. A venti. Did you know that if you’re not used to drinking those things they wreak havock on your stomach? Becuase I didn’t. I do now, but I didnt then.
I have just finished high school and am in a weird in-between stage of adult hood. I am going to a community college and living with my parents. I’m day dreaming about going to a University while enjoying not paying rent and having all of my Power Puff Girl memorabilia. It was a time. Don’t worry about it. I just really loved the Power Puff Girls. And
Jnco Jeans. And the band Kitty. And Taking Back Sunday.
At one point I bought a Cello. Just relax, you know what? This isn’t even the point. One time during this “phase” I had a mini fridge, slept on a futon, and pretended I was living in a frat house. My mom did NOT appreciate that.
”Ever? Who are all of these strange naked boys in the yard?”
"Oh, those are pledges."
"For what? YOU LIVE AT HOME AND FOR CHRIST SAKE ENOUGH WITH THE PIZZA BOXES!"
My friend- let’s call her “Amber”- (that’s her real name) inherited a tiny house near the “rough” part of town. There really isn’t a “rough” part of Temple, Texas. Its all relative. I guess its rough for Temple, but every town has one or two prostitutes hanging out by the Baskin-Robbins.
Sure, there are low income families, pit bulls, and a drug dealer or three - but two blocks down the street there’s froyo and a now defunct Blockbuster. That’s how you know its not a shitty part of town. People don’t put walls and walls of top quality merchandise- (remember how expensive renting was?)- on shelves out in the open just to be stolen in the ghetto.
Anyways, Amber had a house and a live in boyfriend. We won’t talk about him. He really doesn’t need to be mentioned, but you needed to be able to understand the independence.
We had a core group of four or five of us that would come over, eat hot dogs, and play Resident Evil ‘till two or three in the morning. NO ADULT SUPERVISION. We would do that almost everyday and then drive home just to do it again. So it was kinda like going to college- in a Kevin Smith way.
I wasn’t raised in a church- I was raised in a barn! Kidding! A tool shed. We would go to church every now and then, but my family just kinda had their own thing going on. Sunday was always the most boring because the only thing on T.V. was Catholic Mass or news talk shows on PBS.
Oh, side note, my family didn’t have cable and our VCR was broken. So the choices were:go play outside, read the paper (yeah right), or sit in front of the TV and pray that something else would miraculously come on.
I normally chose to go outside. We didn’t have a trampoline or anything, so I would just go out and play in the dirt. To this day I still love playing in dirt. People always ask, would I rather go to the beach or hiking? Hiking. Beach has to much sand and not enough dirt. There’s a difference and you know it.
I’m saying this because I don’t know why I had this urge to go to church. More specifically a mega church.
For those of you who don’t know, a mega church is a church with a HUGE congregation and is usually cool, unorthodox, and really loving and non-jugemental.*(* super rich doctor-lawyer types who are totally judging you while you’re wearing an ill-fitting
Banana Republic Skirt. Yes, I wore a skirt.)
They also totally get why you have to run out during the middle of a sermon and destroy a bathroom stall because you were too dumb to know what steamed apple juice and shitty whipped cream does to your system. ** (**They totally do NOT get that and restrooms are for looking at and fixing your hair in. NOT for using)
In high school I was a member of the
Fellowship of Christian Athletes. The only thing I remember is going to Dallas for Jesus Sports Camp and being really good at speaking during the meetings. I could really fire people up about the scripture and basketball! It was about the love of the game, and Jesus Christ.
Did I know what I was talking about? Not really, but I was good at talking and I imagine entertaining to watch. It was then that I knew I was destined to be a star! Move out of the way Jesus, here I come!
I never felt comfortable in church. I never woke up happy and thought, YES! Church! Friends and fellowship. I had felt pressured to go. Not by any of my
Mall Rat friends or my family- they didn’t even watch church on TV. I think I felt pressured by me.
I had to go to church because thats what I did now. I go to community college, live with my parents, and I go to church. It was my duty(
chore)! Then after all that boring stuff was over I rush to Amber’s to shoot zombies all night and eat an endless amount of hot dogs and fish sticks.